The Roppongi Dialogue is a monthly philosophy salon conducted by the Dhillon Marty Foundation in partnership with UNESCO. The main focus of this Dialogue is to launch an initiative on Ethical Family.
The objective of this program is to redefine ethical family and build a global education and network for the protection of human rights of its members.
The Dillon Marty Foundation created two teams: An editorial team that builds an academic dialogue on all issues related to the family. Also, an advocacy team that uses visual arts, technical and performing arts to enhance people’s engagement and to create a global movement on ethical family programs.
The UNESCO aims to build a wide network around this Roppongi Dialogue in support of this initiative; family being the foundation of ethical life.
Recognizing, the importance of family, being the first social institution where a human being lives and dies. Considering, the challenges facing the family institution today around the world and its members. There is an urgent need for the preservation and protection of a family by the International Community.
INTRODUCTION: Vivian Kanj (Moderator)
The fourth Roppongi dialogue titled, “Family: All You Need is Love”, focuses on defining love and analyzing it in terms of philosophical, physical, spiritual and psychological conceptions. Love in contemporary definition, is the intense feeling of deep affection, and an expansion of the heart towards other human beings. Historically, the Greek philosophers dwelled on understanding the nature of love. Plato’s romantic love, known as Platonic love, was a desire for beauty, rising above the physical attraction, to a soul attraction; by pursuing intellectual love. Socrates love was superficial, “the love of consciousness, of a need for a good not yet acquired or possessed”. Aristotle’s perception concentrated on the superiority of loving, to being loved; what is best for others, not just what is best for ourselves.
The Greeks categorized the nature of love as Eros, which constitutes a passionate intense desire for something, such as sexual desire. Philia, which entails a fondness and appreciation of the other and contributes loyalty to friendship and family. Agape, refers to the paternal love of God for man, and of man for God; extended for the love of all humanity. Consequently, the nature of love remains a core element in the survival of society, the structure and sustainability of a family, and the meaningfulness of life.
In the context of family, love plays a significant role to bring people together and is an essential tool in sustaining family bonding by acting as a protective shield for it. Love is the starting point of starting a family; where family members/parents stand as pillars on which the children base their lives. If one of these pillars fall or is shaken, it threatens the collapse of the entire structure of the family. Protecting love and fighting to keep love alive, can maintain and preserve the health and the continuation of a family. Ethical meaning of love is a crucial guide based on care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust. Living by love ethics, brings healing and justice into the life of a family. Consequently, valued love transcending from parents to children, provides a healthy cycle of security and stability, leading to a healthy and stable society and to human development. From an ethical and human dimension, family is an important aspect of sustainable development, in meeting the needs of future generations and acting as an essential block in society and social development. Therefore, a family needs to be empowered by the international community and provided with full protection. Naturally, in this case, Love needs to become the highest sustainable goal, because it is through love that family and society prosper and survive.
First Panelist: Dr. Upreek Dhaliwal
Romantic Love: A Solid Foundation for a Family
Romantic love plays a significant role in building the foundation of a relationship and on the sustainability of a family. The prelude to love is often the physical attraction. Attraction, being sexual, emotional or intellectual, leads to further connection. Admiring aspects of the other, as in attitude, behavior, intellectual compatibility, can eventually make a transition to love. Unlike physical attraction, love is multi-dimensional, requiring layers and layers of connections in order to sustain itself. Fulfillment on many levels, can build a relationship based on love.
Romantic love, is a love with a touch of magic. The magical element comes from courtship which extends after the relationship is formalized. Courtship in some cultures starts after marriage. For example, in India, marriages are usually arranged by the elders, as dating before marriage is restricted. Regardless of whether the marriage is arranged or not, courtships usually ends at some point once the goal is achieved: that is, when the couple is convinced that it is worthwhile to invest in the relationship. At this point, in many relationships, courtship and romance come to an end.
There is no such thing as an ending or a finale to romance in a relationship. There is a profound abundance of gain for couples to continue to value and cherish each other. Romantic love is a powerful force in a marriage when accompanied with respect, loyalty and sacrifice. A romantic relationship, can simplify, ease difficulties and overcome daily hardships in life. Romantic love is a commitment to creating an exciting, long term, safe, respectful and fun space for both partners to grow independently and also co-dependently.
Romance is essential for the sustainability of marriage, and also for the health of the family. These health benefits extend from the individual to the partner, to the children and even to the extended family. From a health perspective, romance has many benefits to the heart and mind. It can lead to care for self and happiness. It creates better stress management, less depression and anxiety, lowers blood pressure and improves the immunity system.
As children grow in this healthy loving environment, they are liable to get a grounding in the virtues and behaviors that make for a lifetime of happiness and integrity. They carry it with them and extend it to their families, creating better citizens for the future and contributing to a better world.
Second Panelist: Mr. Johnny Cassell
The Importance of Communication in a Family
In every relationship, communication is a key element for a relationship’s success; and specifically in a family. Communication within a family is extremely essential because it allows members to express their wants, needs and concerns to each other. Learning to speak and to communicate openly, is an important skill and is critical for building successful relationships; whether between parents, children, spouses or in a sibling relationship. Poor family communication includes yelling, holding grudges, keeping secrets, giving silent treatment and more, can lead to numerous family problems such as, family conflict, lack of intimacy and weak emotional bonding.
It is essential for individuals to know, what to pursue in a relationship, and what values to honor in a relationship, or within a family. In many families, there’s the element of fear or shame that obstruct communication and prevent understanding. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that permits members of a family to express their differences and allows free space for love and admiration to be present.
Communicating well takes practice and effort. For many, walking out of a relationship is an easy way to avoid confrontation and communication. Active listening and avoiding a defensive attitude are crucial to building understanding and having a healthier dynamic relationship within a family.
Families suffer social anxieties from life’s daily challenges and thus, there’s a risk of the couple’s union being compromised, or for the ‘family’ project to be jeopardized. At this stage, empathy plays a key role to build a bridge of reconciliation. In addition, understanding the love language of the other or being conscious of how others want to be loved, is crucial to sustaining the relationship. Giving words of affirmation, verbal compliments, words of appreciation are powerful communication tools to illustrate love. Using sympathetic dialogue and quality dialogue of sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings, desires, and meeting emotional needs are necessary to communicating love within the family.
Third Panelist: Dr. Scott Haltzman: The Secrets of Happy Families
The concept of happiness is prompted by the idea of positive psychology. This concept focuses on understanding what enriches people’s lives, their passions, and strength, rather than focusing on the negative struggles in their relationship.
Happiness is defined in psychology, as “the experience of joy, contentment, or positive wellbeing, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile.”
According to scientific research, happiness has three components. First, something that brings pleasure or gratification. Another is not only to be engaged but to be absorbed in what one enjoys. Last, what one enjoys, needs to have a meaning and a purpose to it. In order to strive for happiness, one needs to have awareness of what one is seeking. One of the strengthening moments in family life is the feeling of happiness and satisfaction between family members. Happiness strengthens the family by overcoming difficulties and challenges in life. Unconditional love is a unique way that families can find happiness.
Scientific studies of the biology of love, or biology of relationships, have shown that love can cause our bodies to release feel-good hormones and neurochemicals that produce a feeling of happiness. These chemicals flood the brain in areas related to pleasure and rewards.
Scientists divide the concept of love into three phases: The first is the immediate attraction that individuals have to one another. Attraction love has to do with the internal brain and brain chemical hormones. Levels of dopamine, adrenaline, and norepinephrine increase when people are in love. The second phase is the infatuation phase, which can last for months or years. Here’s where the brain releases dopamine, serotonin levels increase, and oxytocin is produced. This causes a feeling of positive emotion in a form of love, but not mature love. The last phase, is the mature love phase. This is where people are aspiring for romantic love, where there is more sense of stability. Romance and great sex still exist in this stage. It is an attachment and bonding stage. Two hormones are working at this stage. There is Oxytocin which is known as the ‘cuddle hormone which creates a feeling of connection. Also, vasopressin, a chemical that also gives a feeling of commitment. Love has a tremendous effect on our feelings of happiness. Yet, these feelings require maintenance of understanding and inspiration and by keeping the relationship alive and injecting excitement, and keeping the dopamine and adrenaline elevated.
Fourth Panelist: Josiah Hawley
The Greatest Love of All
Love is a risky emotion. When reciprocated, it is extremely rewarding. When it fails, it is easy to be disappointed or wounded. To love someone requires putting yourself out there. It is so much more than just a physical experience, although the best type of love can be the experienced, the one that requires action and takes thought. Yet, we must be able to receive love, to love well. Love is projected differently. Movies show love from a fantasy. Parents, teachers, friends also show love in other ways, yet it might not reach us in the way we need most.
There is also, the Love that is greater than us. Some call it the greatest love of all. It is the love projected by Jesus, when he was asked what the most important commandment was, he said: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. And the second is like it. Love others as you love yourself.”
From this concept, one can conclude that, to love others, you need to love yourself. To love yourself, you need to understand who you are and what you need. It requires to be present and aware of them, to see them.
Love requires action. It is the highest calling on all people, to be the best version of ourselves, to be the most human.
To understand divine love, we look at the work of Michelangelo, we ask ourselves: What was the source of his inspiration? Why did he spend decades of his life hanging up in the ceiling painting the same projects?
Michelangelo used to say: “I work out of love for God and put all my hope for him.”
As art experts study his work, they realized that Love was Michelangelo’s greatest force behind his remarkable work. It was not just romantic love. It was the kind of love that does not always bring happiness, but it causes suffering. It is not perfect but brings others closer to divine love. One cannot grow and survive without love, because love does not lose sight of its purpose.
Michelangelo was not a master of love, but he remains till this day, a reminder that true love will always be timeless and that it is the biggest force in human life.
Summary and Conclusion: (moderator)
The Fourth Roppongi Dialogue has examined the role of love in a family. The dialogue covered various aspects of love, studying love from a philosophical, physical, psychological, biological and spiritual perspective; by highlighting the impact of love on a family. The introduction reviewed the philosophical and historic understanding of love and its nature. It highlighted the importance of love and ethical family, and the need for protecting this bonding love, along with the values and the integrity of the ethical family as an important sustainable goal in life.
The first panelist, Dr. Upreet Dhaliwal discussed the importance of romance in the sustainability of a relationship and its impact on the health of a family. The personal stories highlighted the importance of physical attraction and courting at an early stage of the relationship, leading to romantic love, which is essential and requires care and continuation because it is key in the happiness and fulfillment of a family.
The second panelist Mr. Johnny Cassell focused on the importance of communication and openness in a relationship and amongst members of the family. Communication is an essential tool and members of the family need to avoid fear and shame from saying the truth. Listening, empathy, and understanding the others love language, are keys in communication and in building reconciliation.
The third panelist, Dr. Scott Haltzman explained the concept of happiness in positive psychology, by reviewing the three components of happiness and the three phases of love. The discussion focused on the biology of love and its impact on the internal brain and the brain’s chemical hormones that creates a sense of happiness and satisfaction. Happiness can last by keeping the relationship alive and by injecting excitement and love into the relationship.
The fourth panelist, Mr. Josiah Hawley discussed the importance of receiving love, in order to give love; looking at the importance of divine love in one’s life. The understanding of that divine love as a powerful force leading to loving one’s self and understanding it and consequently loving others with that same force.
After examining and studying love from various angels: the romantic, the physical, the biological, the divine and self -love; and after acknowledging the significance of all, and every aspect and concept of love, and reviewing their impact on the survival of a family and their role in the sustainability of the family structure. It is natural to conclude that Love of a family is a combination of all kinds of love and that all the concepts, meanings and visions of love are part of family love. This love, is also part of our existence.
Looking back at the philosophy of existence, the famous French philosopher Rene Descartes said: “I think, therefore I am”; this means that, to be human is that we are thinking beings. Today, philosophers have a different perspective that clearly defines the core of our being. They realized, that we are not just thinking beings, but that we are also “loving” beings because our passions are at the core of who we are. Therefore, to be human is to love; which leads to the conclusion: I love, therefore, I am!”
Since our existence in life is based on love, then naturally, the existence of a family is also based on this grand love. Therefore, All We Need is Love becomes not just a saying, but a meaningful empowering expression that holds in its meaning the identity of the family and the symbol of its existence.
Moderator
Ms. Vivian Kanj
Professor and an artist
[su_accordion][su_spoiler title=”Bio” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]Lecturer in Communication and Art history. Artist with passion for humanity and painting impressions on love, family, culture, heritage and human suffering. Researcher in using art and cross cultural communication as tools or expressions for empowering humanity and creating bridges of thought.[/su_spoiler] [su_spoiler title=”Statement” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]
The fourth Roppongi dialogue will focus on defining love and analyzing it in terms of philosophical, physical or spiritual conceptions. Love in contemporary definition, is an intense feeling of deep affection and an expansion of the heart, towards other human beings. Greek philosophers dwelled on understanding the nature of love. Plato’s romantic love, known as Platonic love, was a desire for beauty, rising above the physical attraction, to a soul attraction; by pursuing intellectual love. Socrates love is superficial, “the love of consciousness, of a need for a good not yet acquired or possessed”; we want what we cannot have. Aristotle’s perception concentrated on the superiority of loving, to being loved; what is best for others, not just what is best for ourselves.
The Greeks categorized the nature of love as Eros, which constitutes a passionate intense desire for something, such as sexual desire. Philia, which entails a fondness and appreciation of the other and contributes loyalty to friendship and family. Agape, refers to the paternal love of God for man, and of man for God; extended for the love of all humanity. Whatever the nature of love, it remains a core element in the survival of society, the structure and sustainability of a family, and the meaningfulness of life.
Love impacts human life as a powerful eternal force. In the context of family, love plays a significant role to bring people together and is an essential tool in sustaining family bonding by acting as a protective shield for it. Love is the starting point of starting a family; where family members / parents stand as pillars on which the children base their lives. If one of these pillars fall or is shaken, it threatens the collapse of the entire structure of the family. Protecting love and fighting to keep love alive, can maintain and preserve the health and the continuation of a family. Ethical meaning of love is a crucial guide based on care, commitment, knowledge, responsibility, respect and trust. Living by love ethics, brings healing and justice into the life of a family. Consequently, valued love transcending from parents to children, provides a healthy cycle of security and stability, leading to a healthy and stable society and to human development. From an ethical and human dimension, family is an important aspect of sustainable development, in meeting the needs of future generations and acting as an essential block in society and social development. Therefore, a family needs to be empowered by the international community and provided with full protection. Naturally, in this case, Love needs to become the highest sustainable goal, because it is through love that family and society prosper and survive.[/su_spoiler][/su_accordion]
Panel
Mr. Johnny Cassell
Relationship Coach
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Johnny Cassell is a bestselling author and leading voice in the world of seduction, dating and lifestyle development. He helps elite, professionals from all over the world find their core confidence and attract the type of partner they truly desire. He does this through private one-to-one coaching, exclusive workshops and bespoke immersion programs.
His coaching has been personally experienced by an excess of 2000 people including CEO’s of some of the world’s largest companies, celebrities and Royalty. Clients fly in to see him or fly him out to see them. He has racked up over 100,000 coaching hours and led over 200 international workshops. Johnny Cassell is the most positively reviewed dating coach on google.
Featured:
GB News, Sky News, BBC Radio, The Sunday Times, Cover of The Times Magazines, The Evening Standard, The Express, Cosmopolitan, LBC, The Metro, Grazia, International documentaries including Emily Atack’s ‘#Adulting’ on the W Channel, and top German-speaking channels such as ARTE and Galileo. He even had a star appearance on hit UK Tv show Made In Chelsea.[/su_spoiler] [su_spoiler title=”Statement” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]
For the majority of my career I have worked to help improve the relationship my clients have with themselves and others around them.
One of the exercises I like to do is list very specifically what one is looking for in an ideal partner, so they have a much clearer vision and recognise these characteristics when they come across them.
Too many of us approach this area of our life with no road map, so we end up making the same wrong turns time and time again. Frustrating to say the least.
In this world everything is built on relationships; your social life, your love life and even your next business opportunity.
After working with me, my clients not only report back about their new found love stories but also about the improvement in the relationships with their family and friends.
I pride myself in being able to teach how to build chemistry with pretty much anyone. What you can not teach is compatibility. It’s either there or it isn’t.
If you find yourself in the fortunate position to have both chemistry and compatibility with someone then it is up to you to honour the relationship you have with them. As the world throws challenges at you, always be asking yourself , “Does this compromise the values of my relationship?”
If you do not have boundaries, discipline and a core value system in place then you may find yourself repeatedly falling into the same pattern, hurting those that are important to you.
In order for us to welcome the next chapter in our lives, we may have to look at what we need to let go off.
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Mr. Upreet Dhaliwal, MD
Former Director-Professor of Ophthalmology
University College of Medical Sciences, University of Delhi CMCL-FAIMER Fellow 2015
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Dr Upreet Dhaliwal trained to be an Ophthalmologist but soon gravitated towards the humanities in healthcare. She co-founded the Health Humanities Group while at the University College of Medical Sciences in Delhi. Upreet is founding editor of Research & Humanities in Medical Education or RHiME which is an open-access, peer-reviewed, online-only health Humanities journal. She has recently published a book of healthcare-related poems titled InVerse Medicine, and also writes romantic fiction under the pen name of Reet Singh. She receivedthe National Annual Award for Medical Humanities, established by Dr. Apoorva Pauranik, Indore, in 2020.
[/su_spoiler] [su_spoiler title=”Statement” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]
Hmm. I’d have to agree, and it’s not because I am a romantic, one who looks at the world – and at people – through rose-tinted glasses, but because I have experienced and witnessed its magic. Nothing else can begin to measure up to it. For example, all the money or all the power in the world would mean nothing if you didn’t have someone to love you and someone to love you back. Who would share your troubles and fears; hold you when you were down; exult with you when you achieved something? Your employees? Strangers in the street? Maybe, but how deep or meaningful would such a connection be ifthe people you shared these things with didn’t love you? Would you even share with them if you didn’t love them?
For the purpose of the fourth Roppongi Dialogue, the kind of love I mean is not filial love or the love between siblings and friends, but romantic love – the kind of love you’d expect to find between the parents of an ethical family unit. If you could only have one thing, wouldn’t it be best to choose love over money and power? Realists might beg to differ. What could love do if there was no security, no food on the table, no roof over your head? Love – along with its usual accompaniments of respect and loyalty and sacrifice – would make many difficulties easier to bear and overcome, which is why it is such a powerful force. Romantic love is a commitment to creating an exciting, long-term, safe, respectful and fun space for both partners to grow independently and also co-dependently. It is a solid foundation, and as the family expands, children are liable to get a grounding in the virtues and behaviors that make for a lifetime of happiness and integrity. Essentially, loving our partners in the true sense of the word is an incredibly simple way of creating better citizens for the future and contributing to a better world.
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Mr. Scott Haltzman, MD
Psychiatrist, Relationship Counselor, Author and Researcher to advance the institution of marriage.
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- Distinguished Fellow, American Psychiatric Association
- Medical Director, Fuller Hospital, South Attleboro, MA
- Author, The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever, The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment, & The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less (Jossey-Bass/Wiley); The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity (Johns Hopkins University Press).
- Haltzman’s research focuses on seeking out data to better help understand the relationship patterns of husbands and wives, and the techniques individuals use to advance the institution of marriage.
- Haltzman is the Medical Director of Northern Rhode Island Community Services, a mental health and substance-abuse treatment center in Woonsocket, Rhode Island, and a Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry & Human Behavior at Brown Medical School. He also has an active private practice, with a focus on marriage counseling for individuals and couples. In addition, he is a presenter at the annual Smart Marriages Conference. Haltzman also spends one day of his week working with clients for SSTAR, a Drug and Alcohol / Mental Health Facility in Fall River, Massachusetts.
- In 2007 Haltzman was honored by the Women’s Resource Center of Newport & Bristol Counties (Rhode Island) as one of 19 “Men who Make a Difference.”[/su_spoiler] [su_spoiler title=”Statement” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]
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Mr. Josiah Hawley
Musician/band and song writer
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After making a splash on TV as a top ten finalist for NBC’s The Voice under Usher, Josiah wrestled to separate himself from the popular cover songs he sang on the show like Adam Levine’s “Sunday Morning” and The Script’s “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved.”
It wasn’t until leaving The Voice that Josiah fully explored his R&B roots to create his own sound.
Born and raised in Fort Smith, Arkansas into a family of music lovers and a father who is a multi-faceted musician, Josiah quickly learned that to succeed in music, he had to keep stepping and adapting in a constantly shifting industry.
Josiah’s new EP includes the singles, “I Just Want Your Love,” “You’re the One,” and “Gonna Let You Go.” Josiah recorded and produced the songs in LA and in Tokyo. He has also released a popular Christmas song called “Now It’s Christmas.”
[/su_spoiler] [su_spoiler title=”Statement” open=”no” style=”default” icon=”plus” anchor=”” anchor_in_url=”no” class=””]
Love is such a risky thing. When reciprocated, it’s extremely rewarding. When it fails, it’s easy to be disappointed or even wounded.
To love someone requires putting yourself out there. It’s so much more than just a physical experience. Although I believe the best type of love, is love that is experienced. It requires action. It takes thought. And yet we must be able to receive love to love well.
Movies say one thing, parents, teachers and friends show love in others ways, yet it might not reach us in the way we need most.
I’m a big fan of Jesus. When he was asked what the most important commandment was, he said, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind and soul. And the second is like it. Love others as you love
yourself.”
I take a few things from this: To love others, you need to love yourself. To love yourself, you need to understand who you are and what you need. It requires being present and aware of yourself. I think this is also the best way to love others; to be present and aware of them, to see them.
Love requires action. It is the highest calling on all people, to be the best versions of ourselves, to be the most human.
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Reading List
| 1. The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart Forever |
| 2. The Secrets of Happy Families: Eight Keys to Building a Lifetime of Connection and Contentment |
| 3. The Secrets of Happily Married Women: How to Get More Out of Your Relationship by Doing Less (Jossey-Bass/Wiley) |
| 4. The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity (Johns Hopkins University Press). |